fighting off the zombies!

Well, thanks to my friend, I'm now gonna write up "How to Fight! Special 'Zombies Ate My Neighbors' Edition." One true thing to know about zombies is that they will eat your brains if they can. Don't let them, morons. Now, I haven't seen too many zombie movies, but I'm sure everyone knows about at least one of the zombie cliches. Just as it was mentioned in Scream;

1. Don't have sex.
2. Don't drink or do drugs.
3. Don't go off into the darkness saying, "I'll be right back," because you won't be right back.

Next order of business, what gear to bring.



Fighting your zombies is a hard matter. You need weapons, you need a group, and you need weapons. There is a big list to bring on with you during the death of all your friends. (By the way, I do happen to recommend for a large zombie attack, bring a lot of extra friends that you hate. They will die. Plus, make sure they are the weenies.) Be sure to stock up on these items. In fact, print this thing out in doubles or even triples. Maybe the zombies will eat the list.

What to bring for the zombie apocalypse:

1. Bring this list. Trust me, you'll need it.
2. A Flashlight. You want to actually SEE the zombies, don't you? (Just turn it off when you hear a little girl crying. They're witches!)
3. A Chainsaw. Now this cliche is one everyone should know about. Come on, use it for your hand instead! Slice and dice, baby!
4. Knifes. You may not think you'll need 'em, but just think of what will happen to you if the chainsaw runs out of gas, or if the chain comes looks, leading this up to the next item.
5. Another Chainsaw. You know you may need a spare. In fact, double all of your supplies.
6. Guns. You knew it would come to this. Whether you're gonna bash 'em in the head or slice their faces off, it gets tiring. So, bring guns. Just do it. And not just one gun. I said, "gun-s," boy, "gun-zzzzz!"
7. A Bat and Nails. This is definitely one of the hard-core gear you will need. Get those nails inside the head of the bat and bash those suckas' in!
8. An Axe. Eventually, that crap is gonna run out. All you got is this and the bat. Choose your weapon.

Oh no. Here they come. They're here!
Guts guts guts. Blood blood blood. That's what you're gonna need to be everywhere if you are planning on killing these brain-eating undeads. So, bring out your weapons and open fire.
I recommend using your "swinging and bashing" (axes and bats) weapons first, while your adrenaline is rushing through your body. When the zombies tone down, use the guns, but remember, use the bullets wisely.

When the zombie apocalypse starts, raid all of the weapon stores and markets. You will need all of the things you can get. It's not too good when you think you won't need it, but then, when it happens, you'll be cursing out of your mind, so get anything. Even something as stupid as a rubber duck can help.

So remember, kick those zombies back in their grave, and say hi to God and Elvis for me, because you know, both of them are the kings, and you know that both of you want you to...

"Hail to the king, baby."